Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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