I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
