Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
