I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
