my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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