Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
