I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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