Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
