just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
