yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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