Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
