His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
