If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
