I love black thongs
just tell him i said nine months
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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