i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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