the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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