dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
