I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
