I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
