i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
