am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
