i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Never underestimate the power of titties
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
