That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
