dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
