All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
