I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
