she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
