My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
bring money and cleavage
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
