You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
