I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
