Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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