when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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