I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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