Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
