I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
