i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
