just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
