I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
