If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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