Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
