those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Acid is not a monday night drug
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
