Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
