all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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