why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
