On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
