this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
