Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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