Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
