She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
