Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
