My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
