Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
