hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
