he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
