Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry š¬
I get sad thinking about all the sex Iām missing out on because of the virus
I instituted āquarantine and chillā months ago. Itās not like penises go soft just because theyāre working at home.
He graduated. Heās not my GA anymore. Heās just the 24 year old thatās helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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