Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
3pm strippers are depressing
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
