I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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