return my video game
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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